This is the second post in my vacation series written by our good friend Theresa. I especially like this one not only for its content but for a few of our former blogging friends who are fondly brought to mind in it.
Enjoy!!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006 Rosy Red Rest Retreat
October 15th 2010 Somewhere on the Left Side.
“CeeCi what the heck is going on here?” Mojo insisted.
“It’s Paul’s birthday, I’m decorating. Help me with the balloons and take the ice cream out of the freezer so it can soften.”
“CeeCi are you sure you are ok?”
“Yes Mojo hurry they will all be here soon. Here put on a party hat.”
“Who CeeCi, who will be here?”
“The gang Eva, Theresa, Elis, Paul, Grace, Tiggr, Cassie.” Don’t just stand there help me Mojo. Oh Mojo can you run out and get me some film?”
“Film? What kind of film Cee’s.”
“For the camera silly. I want lots of pictures. Who knows if we will ever see these guys again.”
“Darling you’re delirious, come let me get you four ibuprofen and put you to bed. We’ll call the doctor in the morning.”
Somewhere in Georgia
“Where’s Theresa?” Glenn the ADON of the nursing home asked the staff.
Pam the head LPN answered,” She disappeared about an hour ago. Someone saw her leaving the parking lot with a bunch of Tiggrs. Mr Huff, and Woody are also missing. Big Mama says she heard Theresa trying to talk them into escaping with her. And someone has stolen all the adult diapers and Boost.”
“Call 911, get the police over here. I’ll call the families and the administrator.” Glenn shouted.
Somewhere in a High School Class Room.
“I” before “E” except after “C”… kids, can you say it with me?”
“Mrs Dry, this is supposed to be math. I thought we were having a quiz today?”
“Oh splendid Jason….let’s all have a quiz. Lets have a Sudoku quiz.” Ahahahahahaha!
“What’s up with teach?”
“Beats me. But I didn’t study so let’s play along.”
Somewhere in a Suburban Kitchen
“Nick, I thought I told you I wanted this kitchen gone. And I come back and it is still here.”
“Elis what the heck has gotten onto you. You are beginning to really tick me off.”
“Why do you keep calling me Elis, who is Elis? You know my name is PK. You’re spanking this Elis person aren’t you? Nick I am leaving you. I am going to stay with my Sister Eva for awhile. Once you have ended this frivolous relationship with this Elis woman, and disposed of this kitchen, I might consider returning.”
“Elis honey, I’m calling the doctor.”
Somewhere in a Suburban Living Room
“Grace what the heck is going on here! It looks like a clothes bomb went off in here!”
“Oh Bossman you’re home!” Grace exclaims. “Isn’t it great, I have found a job that I can do at home.”
“Grace, honey what are you talking about? What is all this mess.”
“Don’t you see? It has been right in front of my nose all along, and I missed it. Everyone has told me that I have a special talent when it comes to laundry. I have taken in laundry from the entire subdivision. Seventy five families have signed up. It is going to be great! Help me get this load to the laundry room.”
Somewhere in the South in a Convertible
“Weeeeeee this is the most fun I have had in ages, how about you guys?” Cassie exclaims as she flies down the interstate at 80mph.
Cassie looks over at her two cohorts in crime. Two wide eyed kitties, their claws buried deep in the upholstery, hang on for dear life.
“Hey PK” Cassie asks, dangerously taking her eyes off the road. “Where did you say that tattoo parlor was?”
Phone rings.
Paul “Hello”
Dante “Paul thank God I found you. I did not know who to turn to. Tiggr has been up for 86 hours straight. She won’t sleep and all she wants to do is have her picture taken and lap milk out of a bowl.”
Paul ” Oh No not Tiggr too. Sit down Dante. I’ll try to explain. We’re going to need your help.”
New York Times November 1st 2010
The AMA has discovered a new type of senile dementia. It seems to only strike women 40’s and over. Only a handful of diagnosis have been confirmed to date. At first researchers thought it was possibly viral. But these women are from all walks of life, and all over the country. The worlds leading physicians have examined the women and feel that they should be isolated for more research and hopefully determine a treatment.
A benefactor form the UK has offered to sponsor and run a facility where the women can be treated, and cared for until more information on this mysterious disease can be found. All we know about him, is his name is Paul. The benefactor has also enlisted the help on one Dante d’Amore. Besides having an extensive background in psychology, Mr d’Amore seems to have a common link to these demented women. Multiple attempts to interview spouses and family members have proved unsuccessful. The women’s homes are heavily guarded.
Later that week at the CNN newsroom, reporters discuss the story.
“Well all of the women were moved out at various times over the last few days. We had surveillance on two homes, and don’t even know how they got the women out.”
“Hey guys look!” We were right about the location they were taking the women too. We picked up something on video there last night.”
“Great let’s get this over to the screening room and see what we have.”
As they play the video one reporter calls out, “Wait, rewind a little…..ok ok there stop, can you zoom in. Can you get the shot a little clearer? ” I knew it! I knew I had seen that bathrobe before, and there is no mistaking that hair.”
“Who is it John, do you know her.”
Yes remember about 4 years ago the lady in Georgia that climbed the airport tower?”
“You mean the spanko blogger?”
“Yeah that’s her, I’ll never forget that hair, that face. And I certainly will never forget that bathrobe.”
“John are you sure it is her? She became a hero to women everywhere. Sales of that bathrobe hit in the millions. My wife even has one.”
Looking a bit shocked, then looking back at the freeze-frame video John stated. “No that’s her I am certain of it. Guys there is more to this story than we are being told.”
Wednesday Pet Therapy
Eva “That poodle is older than me! You think that is supposed to cheer me up.”
Theresa “Eva don’t be so mean, poodles have feelings too. And look at her pretty pink toenails.”
CeeCi “Why can’t we have kitties for pet day?’
Tiggr ” It’s Wednesday we are supposed to have pussy’s and cocks”
All the girls “Ahahahaha Tiggr good one. Yeah it’s Wankable Wednesday. Yeahhhhh”
Grace ” I’m with Ceeci and Tig why can’t we have kitty’s (sniff sniff) I miss my kitty. Waaaaahhhh
Theresa “I have an idea! Let’s see if Sar will bring the pups on Wednesdays. That would be good pet therapy.
Elis “No not Wednesdays…we want Sar to come on Tuesday and Thursday.”
Paul “Elis why do you want Sar on Tuesday and Thursday?”
Elis “So the pups won’t interfere with Wankable Wednesday, duh.”
Cassie ” Yeah duh Paul?”
Paul rubs his head as he walks away with Dante.
Paul “This is getting harder and harder. Any luck finding an activities director for the girls?”
Dante “Well I have a call out to Kayley. Let’s face it, we can’t hire just any one for this job. How will we explain activities like Wankable Wednesday, and Fantasy Friday to some preppie Play Therapist? The girl I interviewed last week seemed open minded. But then Tiggr kept threatening to spank her.”
Paul “Yeah it is hard enough to get people for this type of work, but with Theresa wandering the halls constantly asking…..”You wanna see my butt? You wanna see my butt?”
Paul “Well it is darn near impossible.”
Dante “You’re right. Let’s just hope Kayley is up for it. If anyone can do it she can.”
Theresa “Pssst hey PK why do you want Sar to bring the pups on Tuesdays and Thursdays?”
Elis “Silly! Tuesday is spinach day, and Thursday is Brussels sprouts day. Sar and the pups will help us distract them so we can get rid of the vile stuff.”
Theresa “Yeah good plan, PK.”
Later in the week, Kayley arrives.
Paul “So Kayley I can’t thank you enough for coming to help us.”
Kayley ” Oh Paul you know I’d do anything for these guys. They are the best brattiest friends a brat could ever have.”
Paul ” So what activities do you have planned.”
Kayley “Well they are firm that Wednesdays are to remain Wankable.
Fridays will include Fantasy’s. We are going to turn Gratitude Tuesday into some sort of Bingo game. I need to work on the details of that one.” Tuesdays and Thursdays Sar has agreed to bring the pups for Pet Therapy. Cassie is trying to get me to have a tattoo day. I guess we could do temporary ones. Kind of like face painting, but on the other end! Grace wants a class on BJ’s, but I am not certain where to go with that one. I have also asked around and a lot of the other facilities do “Lady Fingers” one afternoon a week.”
Paul “Oh Kayley the girls will love that…but I think most would like Twinkies better than Lady Fingers.”
Kayley (giggling)” No silly Lady Fingers means manicure day!”
A day or two later.
Ring Ring
Paul “Rosy Red Rest Retreat”
Anne Elizabeth ” Oh Paul I just heard. Is everyone ok?”
Paul “As well as can be expected Anne. I’m glad to hear you are ok. Biggest problem now is the media and security.”
Anne Elizabeth “Well I can help you out there Paul. I’ll fly in tomorrow and run security for you. I have lots of friends on the force (if you know what I mean), and I can handle security for you.”
Paul “How wonderful of you to offer Anne Elizabeth. You are a sweet dear friend. The girls will be so happy to see you.”
Anne Elizabeth ” I’ll make everyonel some jalapeno cornbread when I get in.”
Paul ” That sounds wonderful. Hey Anne do you know any recipes with ginger? Several of the girls say they have been craving ginger?”
Anne (snicker snicker) “I’ll have to see Paul.”
Paul ” Can’t wait to see you have a safe trip.”
Anne Elizabeth and her security crew.
Next day.
Ring Ring
Paul “Rosy Red Rest Retreat.”
SuzQ “Oh Paul sorry to be calling so late, but I just got back, and it finally dawned on me what we need to do!”
Paul “At this point I am open to anything. What did you have in mind Suz?”
SuzQ ” I am booked on the next red eye. Meet me at Best Buys.”
Paul “Thanks Suz see you soon.”
That afternoon
*Loud Speaker*
“Ladies it is “significant other” day. Come visit. There’s fresh fruit and snack cakes in the activities room.”
Theresa “Arrggghhhhhhhh Eva! What are you doing with that apple. Don’t you remember the trouble you caused the last time you ate one of those? That garter snake is going to be after you.”
Eva ” I’m not afraid of a little old garter snake.”
Theresa “Yeah well I wonder how Adam is going to feel about having to roam the earth naked for a gazillion years because of you! I’m telling.”
Eva “Brat! There is no such thing as a gazillion!”
PK “Why does she want to eat an apple anyway when there is CAKE!”
Tiggr “I hate juice, where’s the cream.”
CeeCi “Here you guys, rub some of this magic cream on you. You’ll feel better soon.”
Grace “You guys are all perverted and weird.”
Cassie “I’ll second that!
CNN News Flash
Breaking information has just been released. Some months ago we reported about a group of women, with a sudden onset of a new and rare senile dementia. Researchers have found the common link with these women. They are all spanko bloggers. Experts aren’t certain if the dementia is due to computer waves, or if this is just the natural progression of the spanko disorder. The American Psychiatric Association stated that spanko is a true psychiatric disorder. They are adding this to there list of diagnosis. They believe the cause of the dementia is just the natural progression of the disorder. This has started a heated debate between researchers and the rest of the medical community.
Midnight at Best Buy’s
Paul “Oh SuzQ it is so good to see you, but what are we doing here?”
SuzQ “Paul I figured it all out. We are buying computers for all the girls, of course we need a MAC for CeeCi. Come on let’s check out, and find a diner. I need some coffee, and I’ll explain everything to you. Paul does the center have enough money to cover all these computers?”
Paul ” Oh yes, Theresa’s son Michael graduated Georgia Tech, and can write his own ticket. Elis’ son is a Broadway star. The two boys met while visiting their mom’s and put their heads together. They came up with the idea to sell Theresa’s Danny Mayye series to George Lucas. I don’t have any idea what George is going to do with it. But Michael is designing computer graphics, Elis son has gone to Hollywood, and George has hired Anakin and Padme to consult. There’s plenty of money.”
Later at the diner.
Paul ” So tell me SuzQ, what have you discovered.”
SuzQ “Well have you been to any of the blogs lately?”
Paul “I sort of have my hands full here SuzQ, I haven’t had time for blogs.”
SuzQ “Well if you had of you would have known. I went looking to see what the girls had been discussing, writing about. I knew that somehow the key to this travesty was in the blogs. “
Paul “And?”
SuzQ “There all gone Paul….wiped out every single blog is gone.”
Paul “No! You think that put the girls over the edge.”
SuzQ “Yes Paul I do. Here is how I see it. Theresa seldom see’s Will due to distance, Tom and Adam were both working constantly on big projects. Mojo was away working. Mollie had learned to cook and decided she wanted to be a homebody, so Elis and Nick never got any time alone. I can’t quite make the connection with Tiggr, but I think she is an enigma.”
SuzQ “Anyway no one was getting spanked. The blogs were their only connections to their spanko souls. Then when the blogs disappeared, they all just snapped!”
Paul ” Amazing. But it makes sense.”
SuzQ “What got me thinking was why it did not happen to us all. My blog is gone also. But I haven’t been on my blog. I have been in the Adirondacks Mountains getting spanked. Anne Elizabeth finally Made Her Cop Come, so she wasn’t blogging either. That is the key No Spankings, and No Blogging. Anne Elizabeth and I have been getting plenty of spankings and have not even thought of blogging.
Paul “How do you explain Kayley.
SuzQ ” I think age does play a role. Brat! But she can’t help it.”
Paul ” This is great let’s get back to the Rosy Red Rest Retreat and put your theory to the test.”
The next morning. Everyone was so happy to see SuzQ. They all had lattes, and cake. SuzQ explained her theory to the girls. None of them understood any of the specifics. They just new that they were going to get to blog, and SuzQ told them spankings would be part of the therapy.
Everyone was ecstatic, CeeCi and SuzQ were busy helping everyone create new templates. Soon the laughter was flowing like pink champagne at a wedding.
SuzQ “Ok everybody listen up. I think if we work hard and get these blogs back up and going, you can all be back to normal and home in no time.”
PK “Home? Why do we have to go home.”
Grace “Yeah home means responsibilities and work.”
Tiggr “Why can’t we all just stay here and be together and blog.”
Eva “Yeah the guys can come in every couple of days and spank us, and take us on field trips.”
CeeCi “I vote lets stay, but I think we need to adopt some pussies.”
Cassie “Yeah we can go on field trips to Tattoo Parlors.”
Theresa “Hey everybody, I think Cassie is starting to sound like her old self again.”
Hahahahahahahaha. Everyone got their blogs up and running, and everyone got spanked regularly. Eventually they all returned to their old selves, and decided they missed there homes, families and jobs. Well except Theresa, she said she did not miss her job. She wanted to become a professional blogger. Eventually they all went home. It was a tearful going away party. CeeCi rubbed natural progesterone cream on everyone. Eventually after hugs, and exchanging addresses and phone numbers everyone went home.
Elis “Nick where’s the kitchen?”
Nick rubbing his head ” One of these days PK….one of these days.”
Eva “Adam. I don’t think I want to go back to teaching. I think I want to design shoes and oversized t shirts.”
CeeCi ” Oh Mojo it is going to be so great to get home. Now I have two Mac’s. Mr and Mrs Macfor! Can we stop by the Health Food Store on the way home?”
Cassie ” Tom? Can I drive home? Let the top down!”
Grace ” Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh where the heck did all this laundry come from……BOSSMAAAAAAAAN!”
Paul, SuzQ, Dante, Anne, and Kayley all sipping champagne tying up lose ends for the closing of the Rosy Red Rest Retreat.
Paul “Gosh guys thanks for all your help. Team work is how this miracle happened.”
Tearful good byes, hugs, and promises to keep in touch as everyone readied to leave.
Dante “Come on Tiggr let’s go home. Tiggr, what have you been into? What’s that moustache you have?”
—–oOo—–